oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
