i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize