I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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