I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
