those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
