i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
