I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
