Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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