You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
