If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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