OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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