so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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