he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
