i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
