I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
