Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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