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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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