So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
