thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
