I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's always time for handjobs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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