I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
