Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
