Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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