I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
