i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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