and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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