He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
