At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
