Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
