1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
