Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I AM VODKA MAN
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
