Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
