Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
