You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
