so that wasnt chicken after all
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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