Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
