we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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