Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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