Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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