I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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