I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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