He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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