Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
