my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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