I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
