i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
