made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
