We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
