Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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