she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
