Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
