My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ttyl tear gas
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
