Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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