drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
