He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
