wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
