So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
