I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
