We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
