I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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