Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You can't special order awesome
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
