my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
