I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
