You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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