If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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