i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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