I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
