ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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