He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
