dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
