last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
