I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
