I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The beer is more important than you right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
