Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
