Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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