I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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